Saturday 26 March 2016

A Polar, Bi Polar

The grieving process consists of 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. For a while, I was in denial - perhaps I truly believed what I felt in my heart, but for everyone else, it was pure, blatant denial. Did not help that the people around me frequently switched between "Let it go" and "Just give it time".

I have lived 29 years with my intuition, I know when I'm certain, and I know when I should give something the benefit of doubt. What's a girl to do, when her instincts scream something so loudly, and yet events unfold otherwise. If I dare simplify the equation, my own instinct had let  me down -- for someone so hypersensitive, that's a bitter, bitter pill to swallow.

My. Instinct. Lied. To. Me.

How? How did something I felt so strongly for far longer than a split second turn out to be wrong?

Accepting that I was wrong, threw me down the bottomless pit of depression. It is not a place unfamiliar to me, but it has been a truly long time since I was there, it was hell. Just a deeper, darker kind of hell. Like I have never known.

I thought you were special. I thought you more than just special.
You were my fucking mirror. You were exactly what I saw in my dreams.

My. Instinct. Lied. To. Me.

Perhaps I am still in denial, but I am crawling, struggling to find the exit. Maybe I will get there, maybe I won't. But I have to do whatever it takes, to stay alive.

Am I bargaining? I don't know. I don't want to. I know it's over, but a part of me still breathes you.Your skin, your smile, your hair, your lips, your hands. My God, your hands, I still remember the first time you held mine. I remember.

I don't know how I'll allow another hand to hold mine. I don't see it, I can't imagine.

And what hurts so bad, is that you're out there in the world, probably not remembering anything about me.

I feel the anger creeping, I feel it in sudden, swift attacks, venom threatening to expel into my veins. But it doesn't last long, usually followed by a crying bout.

Maybe one day I'll pass all these stages, and get to acceptance. Maybe one day I will stop believing that you're the one.

I can't decide if I want that day to come right now, or if I never want it to come, at all.

Because when I truly walk away from here, you would have lost someone who loves you, flaws, baggage and all. You would have lost someone who would sacrifice everything she has to, just to be with you.


Sunday 20 March 2016

Till We Meet Again.

On my last day of a sabbatical leave, I resolve to leave my unanswered questions as they are - it is the only way I can get pass this chapter, and into whatever lies ahead.

May the hearts I have hurt find it in themselves to forgive me of whatever damage I have knowingly or unknowingly caused, and may I find it within myself to forgive myself of the mistakes I have committed.

I guess it takes this much for me to be forced to my knees and realize that the universe is far bigger than me, and that I am weak, I am nothing without the people around me.

My despair has brought into light the people who truly care about me, and those who do not. It is a bitter pill, but I take it. I take it for my own learning and growth into whatever I am meant to be, next.

My fault lies in the indulgence of my emotions, and as someone so sensitive, most times I really think it is not my fault. But if I was born this way, then maybe it was meant to be yet another test on my existence. I take it, ya Allah, I take it.

I have less than 24 hours till I return to my daily routine, and though I wish I could hide from life for a little longer, I know that that will only do more damage than good. I have to face reality, I have to face life.

And I have to face the fact that sometimes, what my heart feels, is not the absolute truth. I thought you were The One, but I was wrong. My grief is not only in losing you, but in acknowledging that my instinct was wrong.

I was wrong. I was wrong to many, and I was wrong about you.

Whoever he is that is meant for me, I hope he's somewhere in the world looking for me. I hope he finds me. 

Because as strong as I potray myself to be, at the end of the day, I am a woman. That makes me a creation made from the rib of a man. 

But until he finds me, I have to do this on my own. 
May Allah be with me.

Friday 11 March 2016

Next.

The paranormal will always be a part of me; my eternal interest, but sometimes, even things that mean a lot to you, will have to take a backseat. I hereby announce my departure from Dimensi Kedua (like, 3 months ago?), it's been a short, sweet ride, but I am sure that my journey with the paranormal will not end here.

This entry serves to alter the direction of this blog (a little!). Now that paranormal activities will not be the main highlight of my existence, it is about time I revive my long-lost love for travel. I've never come across a paranormal-travel blog before, hopefully I'll find a way to make this work.

Bismillah.

Monday 17 August 2015

Galang Camp



Over the SG50 weekend, the DK team had gone over to Batam, with the intention of exploring and finding out the truth behind the stories of Galang Camp. For those who do not know, Galang Camp was a refugee camp set up by the United Nations, to accommodate Vietnamese (and a small number of Cambodians) refugees evading the atrocities of the Vietnamese War. During its years of operation from 1979 to 1996, approximately 250,000 lives had passed through its grounds.

Galang Camp, though basic in its amenities, had a hospital, schools (operated by NGOs such as Save The Children, Ecoles Sans Frontieres, etc), coffee houses, and an administration office. It is here that refugees lived, while waiting to be assigned locations for resettlement.

Our initial plan was to take a look at the grounds while the sun was still up, and to return later on in the night for the recce. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, it was near dusk when we reached the gates of the camp, only to be further delayed by corrupt money-eating human-ghosts that are rampant in the land of Indonesia.

It is here, at the gates of Galang Camp, while sitting in the 14-seater van, that I realized the change in atmosphere. There was a different frequency in the energy surrounding us, agitating, and putting us on the edge, making us a little more vocal and annoyed with each other. It could be that an outsider was putting his hands into our plans, it could be that we were in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no network or reception, it could be that we were fast approaching dusk, and we were being held back by unnecessary hindrances. It could be many things, but it could also be that the negativity in the air was prevalent.

Having gotten past the entrance and guardhouse, we drove to our first stop, the Nghia-Trang Cemetery, one of the few cemeteries on the camp grounds.






A rumour related to us by a local, tells of how a particular grave at the top of this hill, was found to have opened up on its own. Curious, we walked up to check if we could locate it. Unfortunately, due to the decreasing of natural light and the threat of darkness blanketing the skies, we were unable to find the grave to proof that the rumour was indeed, true.

While the rest went back to the waiting van, a few of us (Naz, Arif, Abg Aim, Mail and me), proceeded to the entrance of the cemetery (refer to first pic of cemetery above), where we began to shoot our introduction for the Galang video. It took us an unusually long time (5-10 minutes), to get the hang of our camera, as the screen would go blur frequently, without any reason.

As you can see from the photos above, there was still some natural light when were there in the cemetery. However, approximately 15 minutes into the shooting, I realized that the certain sourish smell that had hit my nostril upon my first step into the cemetery, had gotten stronger. It was faint at first, and then it became stronger and stronger, as if willing me to go away from the grounds. Holding the camera down, and looking at the other members, it seemed like no one was smelling what I did. So I ignored and persevered, till the smell felt like it was going up my nose and wrapping itself around my head, that I tapped Mail and signaled to him that something was not right.

Having done our introduction shoot, we left the cemetery back into the van, to our next stop. Seated in the van, I smelled the sour scent again, and this time, I tapped Boy and signaled to him, asking if he smelled anything, to which he said no. Strange.

Next, quick stop (museum):




The Vietnamese had fled their country, to Galang Camp, in boats, in conditions so dire that sometimes a 12m boat, ferried up to 150 adults and children. So cramped were the boats that refugees had to urinate and defecate in the spots they sat in, till arrival at Galang!

Can you spot one of such boats in the photo below? (Notice the orbs hovering around said boat)



A short drive away later, about 20 metres from the main road, was the hospital. It was made up of one-storey buildings lined in a square formation, in the middle of which could have been a garden, now filled with trees and overgrown shrubbery. Additional buildings could be found to the sides or the back of this main square.



The air was tense, my body picked up on the feelings of fear, sadness and abandonment. It must have been sad, to have to leave your homeland, and be a refugee in a foreign land, awaiting your future in an unknown place. In recorded histories available on the Internet, I read of families torn apart, children arriving at Galang without their parents, and of vulnerable girls being the victims of rape in the camp. I can imagine the chaos, the misery, all the negative energy that was present in 1979-1996, that lingers, till now.






Barely what seemed like 15 minutes into the recce, our emcee, Arif, signalled for help as he felt a sudden discomfort, a lightness/giddiness and a fainting sensation overcoming him. First aided by Abang Aim, followed by Mail, then lastly, Abang Man -- it took all of 3 persons to expel whatever it was that caused Arif to fear that he could not continue with the recce.




Can you guess what room is the following photo of?



Check out the amount of orbs in the following photos:




In the middle of our recce in the old hospital of Galang Camp, we were shooting, as usual, when suddenly, there was a loud BANG! It sounded like something heavy had fallen onto the roof of the building we were in.

Mail and I went to check if there was indeed a large tree that could have had its heavy branch drop onto the roof, only to find that there was no such possibility, as seen in the following photo:



Again, as we were filming part of the closing shoot, this time outside the building structures, suddenly there was a menacing growling, followed by vomiting sounds. Apparently, one of the locals who had tagged along with us, had a near brush with a possession, but was fortunately saved by our guide, Pak Megat.

To view our shortclip (including disturbances mentioned above) on Galang Camp, kindly click the following:

It is with much regret that we ended with less than half of our initial photos and footage, due to blurred images, even blank photos, and video without audio. 

Even for the final group photo below, a few attempts were made before we could secure a shot. This was because the first few times one of the locals was trying to capture the photo, the camera switched itself off everytime he clicked the shutter.


Rest assured, we will be back at Galang Camp in the near future.
And this time, we will be better prepared to bring you more evidence and stories!

For videos and photos of DK's recces, please visit the following link:


Thursday 23 July 2015

Mee Rebus Charm: A True Story

The following is based on true events, as experienced by a personal friend, Alif. All names have been changed to protect identities of persons involved. All images are for illustration purposes only.


"Before my marriage to my ex-wife, Irna, she and her then-husband, Rafi, were running a canteen foodstall in a primary school in the North of Singapore, selling noodles and light snacks.

She once told me how in the beginning, business was not good for them, as another Malay stall selling rice and side dishes were more popular with the students and teachers. However, within one year, Irna and Rafi managed to turned the situation around, as their Mee Rebus and Mee Soto became their topselling dish, popular amongst the students and teachers alike.


After 7 years in the canteen food business, Irna and Rafi's marriage hit the rocks, resulting in their divorce. Nevertheless, Irna persisted with the business, but this time, with me instead. In my time running the foodstall business with her, I had noticed a few peculiar things she did, before opening and upon closing of the stall everyday. However, I did not question her as I thought it might be something routine in the running of a food business.

Personally, I do not consume nor favour Mee Rebus. However, Irna had persuaded me to try her Mee Rebus, which was now so popular in the school that sometimes even parents had told their children to pack them some Mee Rebus after school, for them at home. After some persuasion from her, I did. Upon trying Irna's Mee Rebus, I was hooked! I craved Mee Rebus everyday, and had to have Mee Rebus everyday! (However, I ate Mee Rebus only from our stall, I still did not and would not consume the dish from elsewhere).

Still perturbed by some of the things Irna did, one day I decided to closely watch as she performed her daily routine...

Every morning, before opening our stall, Irna would stand before the door located at the back of the canteen. She would stand at the same spot for an estimated 5 minutes; I observed that as she stood, her lips were moving, as if reading a mantra. It is only after this ritual was done, that she would proceed to open the stall.

Next, she would proceed to sprinkle some water in a clockwise motion from the front of the stall, to the back, to the outside area of the stall, and back inside. An important spot of this sprinkling ritual was the food display, she told me, as this was where the 'penarikan' or attraction sat. This ritual was akin to the ritual of sprinkling holy water, however, the water that Irna used was yellow in colour, and contained leaves. All these were to be done by 430am when there was no one else around, but us as the other stall owners only arrived at 5 in the morning.

In the preparation of the food items to be sold, there were rules that I had to adhere to. For one, when stirring the Mee Rebus gravy, the stirring had to be done in an 'X' formation (I do not know the rationale for this). Secondly, I was not allowed to be nearby during the preparation of the spices.

Once the food were prepared and ready for selling, Irna would retrieve a bundle wrapped in yellow clothe which contained a hundred-dollar note wrapped in plastic, and place it in our cash container.

When the recess bell rang, the students would rush down to queue for food, and all the other stall vendors would comment, "Irna, your business is so good!""



Indeed, those running a business would always be seeking ways to attract customers and means to make their business profitable. However, did Irna have to resort to the above mentioned spiritual ways to target the innocent, primary school kids?

Wallahu alam.




Monday 29 June 2015

Susuk 101

Before plastic surgery, there was 'susuk', otherwise known as charm needles. Dating from the pre-Islamiczation of this regent, the practice of susuk-wearing has prevailed till now, a time with the advent of modern times and technology.

What is susuk? How does it work? And why do people use it?

Awang Mohd Yahya (Bomoh Artis Malaysia) performing a susuk demonstration

Susuk is more commonly known as metal-based needles made of a gold alloy, inserted into the soft tissues underneath the skin. However, there actually are a varieties of susuk that exist, namely:
● jarum mas (gold needle)
● serbuk mas (gold powder)
● perak (silver)
● kayu nibong (wood)
● raksa (mercury)
● bunga melur (jasmine flower)
● wafaq (kalimah in gold ink)
● berlian (diamond - touted to be the strongest one of all)

Depending on an individual's reason for acquiring the susuk, the susuk can be implanted in various parts of the body, including forehead, cheek, chin, lips, breast/chest, genital area and buttocks.

Susuk found in a radiograph, in a patient's lower jaw/chin area

Some of the reasons that would push an individual to seek this mystical solution are:

● beauty enhancement
● an improved aura
● to attract a specific person or the opposite gender
● increased strength
● protection from physical and spiritual harm

Depending on the type of susuk required, and the practitioner's practice, the susuk can be inserted into the human body in a variety of ways. One way would be to make a small incision on the skin, after which the susuk is physically inplanted. Other ways include the non-physical, spiritual transfer including chanting of undisclosed verses or mantra. A flower bath might be necessary for some, to rid the body of negative aura, prior to the insertion.

The effectiveness of wearing susuk is still debated, with some suggesting that the effects are psychological, alike going to a hair saloon and stepping out with more confidence, even with only a minor trim. Regardless, the susuk is sought after by a spectrum of individuals, from school-going youths, to the elderly.

A struggling singer may seek to have susuk placed in his/her lips. An individual seeking sexual prowess may have his/her placed in the genitalia area; susuk bunga melur can also be implanted in breasts (an alternative to breast implants). And a person seeking to have their beauty enhanced usually has susuk implanted in the facial region. Susuk is also known to be worn by persons owning businesses, as a means to attract more customers.

But this method of attaining beauty, strength and wealth comes with prohibitions, such as:
● no consumption of a certain type of banana
● no consumption of meat from sticks (satay)
● no walking under a clothesline

Going against the prohibitions, whether on purpose or not, will cause the susuk to lose its function, or even drop out from the bodily tissues.

Though this practice is rife in Indonesia, Malaysia and even Singapore, it is not unique to the Malays or people of this region. A quick seacrch on the internet reveals that there are Chinese, Indians and even Caucasians who are susuk-wearers and are believers of its powers.





Reference:
Balasundram, S. , Yee, S. and Shanmuhasuntharam, P. (2013) Susuk: Charm needles in orofacial soft tissues. Open Journal of Stomatology, 3, 155-162. doi: 10.4236/ojst.2013.3202

Tuesday 23 June 2015

Susuk: A True Story

(As encountered and narrated by Abg Man, a healer and member of Destinasi Kebenaran. Translated and edited by me)

Susuk



"This was my experience in 2013, when I was called to help a patient who had been critically ill for almost 2 months...

I met up with a friend, Sufie (name has been changed to protect the identity of persons involved), who said to me, "Bro, I need your help". I responded, "What kind of help do you need?". Sufie then told me of his relative who is 'nazak' (on the verge of death), but could not pass on. The family had engaged the help of several ustaz and alternative healers, however, none were successful. Upon hearing this, I made the decision to visit the patient together with Sufie.

Upon my arrival at the patient's residence, I said my greetings, "Assalammualaikum!", and as I took my first step into the house, I felt a negative aura coming at me. 

I met with the patient's parents and husband and asked them a few questions, before I proceeded with the healing session. The husband, Rashid, came forth and told me, "We had been married for 3 years before she confessed... that she has had 'susuk' (charm needles) placed in various parts of her body, before we were married. She did it for the sake of beauty".

"Astaghfirullah... why didn't she get them removed?", I responded. The weary husband replied, "I have advised her to get them removed. Unfortunately, the person who had placed the 'susuk' in for her, has passed away... I told her not to worry, as we'd persevere to look for someone who could remove them for her...".

But days passed, turning into weeks, and then years. Soon, 10 years have gone, and the wife fell ill. After a check-up at the hospital, they discovered that the wife had Stage 3 breast cancer. There was no hope, and very little time.

Upon hearing this, I was determined to help the patient. Together with Rashid, I entered the bedroom where she was in, and when I saw her, I was overcome with sadness and sympathy.

The wife, Suriana, was skinny to the bone, and yelling. As if in fear... of something that we could not see.

I began my session by 'scanning' to see where the various 'susuk' were placed in her body. Once done, I communicated with the 'khodam' (guardian) of the susuk, requesting that they leave the body. However, my request was refused. It was also to my knowledge that Suriana had, in her healthier times, tried to remove the 'susuk' by going against the conditions for a wearer, however, to no avail. The 'susuk' refused to be expelled from her body.

I negotiated with the 'khodam', and read a few verses from the Holy Quran, to agitate it. Finally, it agreed to accede to my request, but on a few conditions. It asked for a bunch of bananas, 7 different types of flowers, and some scented joss sticks.

I informed Rashid of the 'khodam's request, to which he agreed. I also told him to accept whatever comes, after the removal of the 'susuk' was completed; I reminded him that everything happens at God's will. I took my leave and told him I would be back with the necessary items the next day.

As promised, I returned the following day with the items requested by the 'khodam'. Before I proceeded with the session, I told Rashid to snap a photo of Suriana, before and after the removal of the 'susuk'.

I 'surrendered' the items I had brought along to the 'khodam' and successfully transferred it from Suriana's body, into a bottle.  Immediately, her face became extremely sunken, and she was not yelling anymore. I turned to Rashid and informed him that the 'susuk' has been removed from her body, and to be resigned to whatever fate the Almighty had planned for her, and them.

Two days later, I received a call from Rashid, informing that Suriana had just passed away. I offered him my condolences and told him to have strength and patience in accepting God's will. For He is the best Provider and Planner. Amin.

The moral of this story is:
1. Do not be obssessed with the mystical.
2. Be thankful with what you have.